By Faith Ngabirwe
Patrick and Hellen had really never hit it off well. One was a sworn introvert, whereas the other preferred nights out to home cooking sessions. When she stayed home and made delicious meals from recipes picked off Google, he was out trying out different shots, with different hot girls. He was a prince charming when he got back home and in that moment, Hellen saw a happily-forever- after with him.
His borderline personality did not scare her. Neither did his disinterest in marriage. He always insisted that there was no reason to legally tie people together. He believed that people should walk out freely if they’re tired of a situation.
Hellen secretly imagined herself in a wedding gown and vowed to continue on her journey of changing him into the person she prayed for at holy hours. Unfortunately, the more she tried, the wider the gap grew and the differences were glaring. She saw them, but decided to bury her head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich.
The relationship was just 10 months old when Patrick broke up with Hellen. She was ten weeks pregnant. Both of these came as a shock, but she decided to keep the baby anyway. She had gone off the pill because she was convinced that the way he stroked the neighbours’ kids’ cheeks and always carried gifts for his nephews and nieces, he’d definitely want a child.
Yes, he did not mind having a child, but what she did not understand was that he did not want a child with her. These are two different things. Hellen announced her positive pregnancy test today and he officially walked out the next week, leaving her with not only a broken heart, but a big belly too.
In this current era, where most people are living hand to mouth, the biggest risk a woman can take is trapping a man with a pregnancy. The guy will leave you and you will start stressing people around you who will eventually be labelled as bad friends and relatives because they have not helped to carry a burden you voluntarily brought upon yourself.
Hellen had gone off the pill because she was convinced that the way Patrick stroked the neighbours’ kids’ cheeks and always carried gifts for his nephews and nieces, he’d definitely want a child. Yes, he did not mind having a child, but what she did not understand was that he did not want a child with her
It is unfortunate that the burden to prevent a pregnancy is solely on us, women, but as a matter of fact, I find this powerful. You hold the key to your uterus. You decide when and who to procreate with. But the worst mistake you can ever make is think that having a child with a man will stop him from leaving you. My sister, that gender is special.
This business of using children as leverage to remain in someone’s life should stop in 2021. Having a child with someone does not mean that you are entitled to their love. I have seen baby mamas ruining their ex-men’s lives by showing up on baby-related matters at weird hours.
The era of pity parties, and days of soaking in self-entitlement are coming to an end. Stand up and move! In 2022, hold the key to motherhood close to your National ID. Don’t let anyone play with it. Open only if you want to.