By Ranell Dickson Nsereko
If the mouth is for eating, then the microphone is for singing, not crying. Sadly, our musicians have turned it into a cry amplifier.
Whenever they feel they want to be thrust back into the limelight, they call for a press conference and cry in front of cameras. More often than not, there is always someone to pat them on the back.
We profile our top criers, who are alternatively called Bambi Musicians.
You hold a concert, walk out with a pumped chest and tell everyone you are the most successful chap around, so the old timers should die. Then you call a press conference and cry like a baby.
Gravity had made remarks that he is ‘bigger’ than Bebe Cool, Jose Chameleone and Bobi Wine. Social media questioned the statement, and the guy just cried?
What does it take to stage-manage crying? Do you spray pepper on your fingers and when the crying moment comes you rub your eyes with them? Do you squeeze your throat so hard tears just pour? Do you forcefully recall a sad moment in your life that makes you cry?
These are the questions Gravity should have answered on his next interaction with the media.
Same script, different actors. Eddy Kenzo, after a successful Eddy Kenzo Festival on November 12, called for a crying press conference two days later, complete with a guy nearby to pat his back.
He told journalists that he has haters, some of whom want him dead and had made prior attempts to block the festival.
“As I talk, my whole life is in danger and I am here to let you know that there are several people that want to kill me,” Kenzo said.
According to him, promoters like Luba Events, with whom he had partnered to do the festival before lockdown, was one of the people that had secured a court order to block the festival, but he managed to make “useful” phone calls to authorities and the festival happened. It happened, why cry?
He, however, had the last laugh when he received news of his Grammy nomination the following day.
Even the mention of the name Chris Evans can make one cry. He has become the poster boy of crying. If one wrote a book titled How To Cry Without Crying, his picture would be used on the cover.
In October ahead of his show, Chris Evans cried live during a television interview claiming fellow musicians have failed to unite and work together. “
While I was joining the music industry, I thought musicians were united, but I am so disappointed,” he sobbed. He was seen wiping tears off his cheeks with a handkerchief.
In October, musician-cum-presidential adviser Catherine Kusasira cried in studio. She cried because “there are top guns in NRM fighting her.” She said she regretted the money she had given the party and was losing property as a result.
As she shed tears, she said she has hope that one day the President will come to her rescue and bail her out by fulfilling the promises that he made earlier on.
“I cannot explain to anyone the amount of pain that I have because of the enemies of my progress. These people are fighting me from all corners,” Kusasira said.
“These tears are as a result of my property that I got through my fans as a musician,” she added.
Big Eye has small eyes. Why force tears out of them? He first cried after he was pelted with bottles amid a performance at Freedom City on Entebbe Road.
When a similar thing happened to Bebe Cool, he just spread out his chest for bottles to bounce off.
According to Big Eye, he says his persecution is all because of his political affiliations with the NRM. Soon after crying, he left for the UK, to cool off.
On his return, he was pelted with empty plastic bottles again. That is when he learnt that when you cry, people don’t listen.