Wednesday, February 1, 2023
Home Lifestyle The Troubled Soul: Let all bars be permitted to open 24/7 for full ‘blastingos’

The Troubled Soul: Let all bars be permitted to open 24/7 for full ‘blastingos’

by Editorial Team
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By Dee Wakashaka

Do you ever imagine what would happen if the Government ever dared to consider a moratorium on drinking alcohol and hanging out in general? All the chillaxing, wilding, fall in, deployment, regroup proggie put on an indefinite hiatus!! Ehh ehh ehh hmm!

You had better consult with Mama Fiina and even the hardest sangomas before attempting! In this town where “somebari says weekend and you reply leessiii goooo”, you’re joking!

Guys would rather don balaclavas and be mistaken for thugs naye nga they are pushing till mona full full! Before you even begin your holy crap, let me refresh your gu-head about this banana republic’s marginal propensity to have a blastingo.

For starters, we are ranked one of the most drunkadest nation in the world! And it’s not by choice, but if you are suffering from severe ‘akafundiosis’, what next? So, it’s only prudent that bars operate mercilessly so that we can drink away our financial malfunction, broken hearts, stray, dodge the landlord and just be as if!

I dare a mbu very clever politician to try closing bars and biduula! Mama nze… that’s when you will see what a scorned lover looks like!

In all honesty, I think drinking and lazying fwah is a good remedy for the straight jacket we are caged in! For instance, whom do you run to after catching wifey cheating with your best friend? What about when bafele have gazumped you of hard earned salo? Mbu mpa million emu, ofune million taano! And then, you have issues of getting fired from your dream job just because your boss wants to snack on your kinanka’s southern cuisine, landlord is tired of your defaulting on rent, neighbour’s meat fumes traumatising your bean’s-oriented stomach and you being the black sheep in the family … kwegamba persona non grata because of your wallet malfunction!

Being a general in trials and tribulations, my proposition to cushion wanainchiz stress levels, looming crime rate, domestic violence and alarming mental health is very simple. For starters, let the Government partner with different stakeholders like alcohol manufacturers to subsidise prices of drinks so that everyone at whatever social and financial level can afford a dulinki. Secondly, let all bars be permitted to open 24/7 for full blastingos!

Mr. President, this will cut down on our begging for donor funds to address these issues and instead focus on how we can create a ministry for innovators and champion boblas like me!

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