By Carol Kasujja Adii
She exudes confidence every morning on Bukedde Television and she speaks energetically on her show Ekyenkya. Looking at her, with her well-put-together look, you would not easily guess what she is going through.
But, perhaps, if you drew closer, and looked deep inside her eyes, you will notice that she is a woman who has experienced bliss and gloom at the same time.
Dora Naamala has been in the media for 17 years, and she has achieved quite a bit. Besides her success, she has nursed a break-up or two, but one she will never forget, and regrets, is her life with a married man.
Despite the challenges she is going through as a single mother, she has refused to settle into the wrong relationship again. She had painful marital relationships and she feels better off alone.
“If you are dating a married man, you will have labels attached to your personality, and brutal judgment will be in your face for snatching someone else’s man. Yet some of us date them because of immaturity, without looking at the future,” Naamala observes.
When she left Makerere University in 2006, she was young, naïve and outgoing. Many men wanted to date her. One of the men who showed interest was married.
“There were many men who wanted to be with me, including my classmates and age mates, but most of the young men who approached me for love seemed like they just wanted quick sex and I assumed they would dump me after that, so I rejected them,” she notes.
According to Naamala, the married man had good strategies that any young woman could not fail to fall for.
“On the outside, he was gentle. He was willing to work at my pace. He was not pushing me into anything that I didn’t like. It looked like he wanted to spend more time with me and he enjoyed my company. He said the right words that melted my heart that I was quick to fall in for him,” she recalls.
Though Naamala had just graduated from university, she started life with a married man and though she knew from the word go that the man had his wife and children, she was too blind to see what she was putting herself into. Once in, she started having children.
After the birth of her second born, she noticed that she had made a mistake, but she was stuck because she feared raising her children alone.
“In 2006, when I was getting stable on television, I got pregnant and this is also a different story because at work, some people started fighting me that I should go off the television, but deep down, I knew that I was meant to be on television, so I pushed on even with all the negative energy around me,” she says.
He is the senior partner; you are the junior one. He has more money and influence and he has been in the cheating game longer than you have had that hair weave on. He has a 70% stake in that relationship, leaving you with a miserable 30%
Maried men are misers – Namaala
“A married man will never invest a fortune in you. He will never treat you like a wife. In fact, if you are looking for financial help from married men, forget it. They are the meanest men alive.”
According to Naamala, his family gets the bread; you get the crumbs. You are a second-class citizen. A relationship with a married man is never that of equals.
“He is the senior partner; you are the junior one. He has more money and influence and he has been in the cheating game longer than you have had that hair weave on. He has a 70% stake in that relationship, leaving you with a miserable 30%.”
“Never think about having a baby with a married man. He will promise to be there, but he will not be there. If he cannot spend enough time with his legitimate children, how do you expect him to spend time with you?” Naamala advises.
Asked how married men get rid of you, Naamala revealed that such men start meaningless fights so that you can move on.
Lessons
Having gone through a painful relationship, she is enjoying her life. She says she loves the freedom to pursue her purpose.
One of the challenges she faces is that sometimes she miss companionship, which is a big reality she has to deal with. She has come to understand that no married man will cater for your emotional needs.
“There are so many expectations from society, but I have learnt to keep boundaries from the external world by not minding what people think or say. I am raising my children at whatever cost,” she says.
